ILOVEYOU Digest

[Edward Glowacki]

Today's installment of rec.humor.funny, some pretty good ones in
there... =)  Not entirely Linux related, but not entirely unrelated
either... ;)

-- 
Edward Glowacki			glowack2@msu.edu
Network Services		
Michigan State University	

-- forwarded message --
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
From: funny-request@netfunny.com (Funny Guy)
Subject: ILOVEYOU Digest
Date: Mon, 8 May 2000 19:30:00 PDT


Here are the better of the jokes relating to the recent ILOVEYOU virus.
These are jokes which are funny, but which didn't really warrant posting
separately.  I post such a digest whenever I have enough entries to warrant
it.  Particularly selective readers will probably not enjoy the digests, and
may want to killfile RHF jokes with "Digest" in the title - ed.

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>From: atl@sgi.com (Tony Laundrie)
>Subject: All we need is love

I recently got this email:

}  From: Matthew Barker at SGI
}  Subject: I don't love you and this is not a joke

   This is a virus that works on the honor system:

   For those Unix & Linux fanatics who're feeling left out, please forward
   this message to everyone you know and delete a bunch of your files at
   random.

And if you just want something to click on, try
clicking there ---> MS_SUX.vbs

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>From: stevem@cs.ualberta.ca (Steve MacDonald)
>Subject: ILOVEYOU Virus Mutation

     From the end of an e-mail message I sent out, after I received the
ILOVEYOU virus for the fourth time:

          Oh, wait, a new e-mail message says it loves me.  I'd
          best open all of its attachments...  Uh oh.  It just
          downloaded a Metallica song from Napster.  Bugger.

        =       =       =       =       =       =       =
>From: tomlasusa@yahoo.com (Tom LaSusa)
>Subject: The "I love you virus" mutates?

After yesterday's worldwide strike of the "I LOVE YOU
VIRUS", reports are already coming in that the virus
is mutating into several stages.  Within the next few
hours, expect to see:

    The original "I love you" virus

    The "I like you alot" virus

    The "You're nice, but I just want to be friends" virus

    The "Look, it was just a date...don't get clingy" virus

    The "Okay, I think its best if we don't have anymore contact" virus

    The "It was late, I was drunk, you were easy" virus

    The "Stop calling me, you unfeeling prick" virus

    The "That's it, I hate you and your stupid dog" virus

and finally,

    The "You have made an enemy today, prepare to be boarded" virus


[By Tom LaSusa, Senior Editor, Byte.com/Webtools.com and Ethan Welkes, Senior
Producer, WinMag.com]

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>From: jonarose.jaffe@tufts.edu (JonaRose Jaffe)
>Organization: Program for Educational Change Agents
>Subject: Operator, Operator!

The "I Love You" virus disrupted services in offices across the world,
forcing companies to disconnect their computers from the outside world. 
These shutdowns caused communication glitches among those who rely on
email to work.  The New York Times reported (in "A Rogue Software
Program Attacks Computers Worldwide," 5/5/00):

"AT&T started shutting down its e-mail system yesterday morning, and by
3 p.m. the company's 145,000 employees had to use telephones to communicate."

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>From: lee@piclab.com (Lee Daniel Crocker)
>Subject: Programming language truth in advertising

Since the outbreak of the "ILOVEYOU" worm, the engineers at my
employer have started calling the programming language involved
"Microsoft Viral Basic".

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>From: chip_aucoin@hotmail.com (Chip Aucoin)
>Subject: next time use protection

A friend mentioned this to me today,

"Isn't it just my luck. Some stranger says to me, "I LOVE YOU" and next 
thing I know, I've got this virus..."

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>From: aurienne@webpixie.com (April)
>Subject: [song parody] Hellow, ILOVEYOU

}From: Switchboard <switchboard@sjca.edu>

"Hello, ILOVEYOU"
by Christopher Gillen
<with apologies to Jim Morrison>

Hello, ILOVEYOU, what a strange thing to send
Hello, ILOVEYOU, I thought you were a friend
Hello, ILOVEYOU, an attachment you say?
Hello, ILOVEYOU, this is taking all day
Love-letter-for-you T-X-T
Was a V-B-S file in reality
Not a message of love at all
It abused my MAPI protocol
Hello, ILOVEYOU, why's my modem light on?
Hello, ILOVEYOU, where have all my files gone?
Hello, ILOVEYOU, I reboot and it sends
Hello, ILOVEYOU, you're annoying my friends
My collection of MP3s have all been turned into 'love' VBs
So have my rare J-PEGs of Sharon Stone
At least it left all my GIFs alone
So I'm feeling like a fool
'Cause I've sent it to everyone at school
What a virulent e-disease
When we're all just separated by six degrees
Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello
I hate you, Hello, I need my 'puter
Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello

        =       =       =       =       =       =       =
>From: Jon.Haugsand@nr.no (Jon Haugsand)
>Organization: NR
>Subject: The Philippines stories


The following letter was found in Manila a few days ago...

}To Guerrilla
}From Abu Sayyaf
}
}No, no, no. you got it all wrong. I said kill the _virus_, and
}release the _hostages_.

-- 
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This joke's link: http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jokes/00/May/love.html
-- end of forwarded message --