More ILUVYOU-related silliness

[Alan Garrison]

Found this at LinuxToday.com.  Basically if Microsoft was in charge of 
building apartments...


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From: Phil Thompson, Dept. of Inspectors, Seattle, Wash.
To: Ima Fibber, Microsoft Construction Inc., Redmond, Wash.

Dear Miss Fibber,

I've inspected your apartments at 2000 Outlook Ave., and I have only one
thing to say:

There are no balcony railings!

Sincerely,
Phil Thompson

------------------------------
From: Ima Fibber, Microsoft Construction Inc., Redmond, Wash.
To: Phil Thompson, Dept. of Inspectors, Seattle, Wash.

Dear Phil,

Thank-you for noticing this innovative new feature of our apartments at
2000 Outlook Ave., soon to be known as Express Place. We expect this
to be a great selling point.

For years, our customers have been complaining about how the balcony
railings were obstructing their view of the scenery. Therefore, to
satisfy
customer demand, we have removed the railings. This is in keeping with
our company's proud tradition of innovation.

We think you will agree that the future tenants of Express Place will
enjoy their unobstructed view of the beautiful city of Seattle.

With Fondest Regards,
Ima Fibber

------------------------------
From: Phil Thompson, Dept. of Inspectors, Seattle, Wash.
To: Ima Fibber, Microsoft Construction Inc., Redmond, Wash.

Dear Miss Fibber,

I don't care if the lack of railings provides an unobstructed view of
the city. The fact is, it's dangerous. Someone could fall off their
balcony.

Sincerely,
Phil Thompson

------------------------------
From: Ima Fibber, Microsoft Construction Inc., Redmond, Wash.
To: Phil Thompson, Dept. of Inspectors, Seattle, Wash.

Dear Phil,

Regarding you contention that tenants could fall off their balconies,
here at Microsoft, we have more respect for our customers' intelligence
than
that. In order to fall off his or her balcony, a tenant would have to
walk close to the edge, then take another step beyond that. Nobody would
be
that stupid, and if they were, there is nothing we could do to protect
them. I need not remind you that, even if there were railings, there is
nothing to prevent a tenant from climbing the railing, then falling or
jumping from there.

With Fondest Regards,
Ima Fibber

------------------------------
From: Phil Thompson, Inspector
To: Ima Fibber, Microsoft

Miss Fibber,

And I need not remind you that there is a city ordinance requiring a 42"
railing on every apartment balcony.

Officially,
Phil

------------------------------
From: Ima Fibber, Microsoft Construction Inc., Redmond, Wash.
To: Phil Thompson, Dept. of Inspectors, Seattle, Wash.

Dear Phil,

Your own department has stated that those city ordinances are hopelessly
out of date. Why don't you work with us to bring those standards
into the 21st century?

As it is, those standards are hampering our ability to innovate and
provide our customers with the innovative products that can make their
apartment living a richer experience.

With Fondest Regards,
Ima Fibber

------------------------------
From: Phil Thompson
To: Ima Fibber

Fibber,

I'll see you in court.

Phil




-- 
Alan Garrison _ agarris@voyager.net
"I may be synthetic, but I'm not stupid."  -- Bishop (Aliens)