The Best Apache Modules

[Edward Glowacki]

Quoted from Ray Hernandez on Thu, Jul 19, 2001 at 03:09:01PM -0400:
> I like to compile Apache from scratch, and I usually have a very small set of 
> modules that I stick in there, and I KNOW that I am missing out. So I wanted to 
> get other's opinions regarding what they felt were the "must have" modules to 
> throw into their apache install.
> --Ray

I swear by the following modules:

* EdRoot - A module that allows Ed root access to your box
* MustHave - A collection of things that you "must have" in your
    apache install
* CoreEater - Eats core dumps, gives you web "content" out the other end
* CoreDumper - Takes your prized web content and dumps core
* BarbecueSauce - Tangy topping made of tomato paste, garlic powder,
    "natural smoke flavor", etc.
* PDF - An adobe module that translates all your HTML into encrypted
    PDF files.  (Note, this module is also known as PBF, "Pfaff
    Ben Frustrator". ;)  ) [1]
* SuperPDF - An Adobe module that takes all your HTML, renders it
    internally like a web browser would, takes screenshots of the
    resulting output (in .BMP format), and includes them in an
    encrypted PDF file for download.  (Also known as SuperPBF)
* ROT13 - Support for SuperPDF encryption.
* OfficeAssistant - A Microsoft module that provides the infamous
    paperclip functionality to all your web pages.
* GeForce - A module sponsored jointly by Nvidia and Intel.  It
    requires that you have at least a 1.4Ghz P4 with a GeForce3
    video card to render any HTML stored on the webserver.  The
    resulting output is displayed in 100fps scrolling 2D text.
    (Note, this module is incompatable with the TeleType module,
    which requires the end display device to be a teletype.)
* Babboon - A module that, well, makes your web pages come out
    looking like they were written by a babboon (or many babboons
    if you install the Babboon Bonus Pack too).
* 404NotFound - Replaces the standard error message with bright
    flashing text insulting the user.  It also sends taunting email,
    increases the rates on their car insurance, and puts them on the
    "very interested" list of the Jehova's Witnesses.  They should
    have known better than to provoke the web server like that by
    asking for a web page that wasn't there.
* Popup - A great gag!  It pops up *thousands* of windows on the
    client end every time they load the page, and then again when
    they follow any link on the page.  Each window contains a small
    advertisement, usually for things like tampons, anti-fungal
    cream, or BowFlex machines, though you will get an occasional
    good one like the complete TeleTubbies Video Collection or Make
    Ca$h Fa$t.
* BlueWeasel - Codename for the upcoming release of a *really cool*
    module.  We don't know what it does yet, but it's going to be
    *really cool*!
* BorkBorkBork - AKA "Chef".  This module translates every web page
    into text that appears to have been transcribed from the Sweedish
    Chef (of Muppets fame).  
* CRASH!!! - Another great gag module!  Guaranteed to crash the
    user's browser, or your money back!  It's free software. (Get
    it?  "Or your money back", it's *free* software.  It's a joke!
    Hahaha!!!)
* Search - Most web sites provide a search feature.  With this,
    you can provide just such a feature.  Any time a user visits
    your site, you need only click a button to search for them.
    Whether they live in Pakistan or Iowa, within seconds you'll
    have sattelite photos of their house/apartment/compound or if
    you prefer, detailed electronic maps showing their current
    location, the amount of change in their pockets, and whether
    or not they completed the crossword puzzle from the morning's
    newspaper.
* LinuxDistro - Turn your website into your own Linux distribution!
    This module comes with the latest kernel, GNU utilities, and
    even Mozilla!  Any time they load a page, they download the
    resulting ISO image, which contains a short README to get them
    started.  Once they have Linux up and running on their machine,
    they can run Mozilla, which will *automatically* bring them
    back to your site to view the page they were trying to find!
* 300 - Turns their ISDN, T1, or cable modem connection into
    a 300bps flashback connection!  Giggle with delight at the
    thought of the infinite hourglass on the users screen as they
    wait for your image-heavy website to load at just under 40
    character per second!
* UpsideDown - My personal favorite!  This module rewrites your
    HTML so your entire web page is upside down!  Users are forced to
    read standing on their head!  This is from the same people that
    brought you Backwards, which reverses all the text on your screen
    so you have to read from right to left!  Don't think you get off
    easy if your language is already backwards, because the Backwards
    module knows, and will reverse the page no matter *what* language
    the text is written in!
* MicroFont - Hard-codes your web pages to use 3pt fonts for everything.
* MegaFont - Hard-codes your web pages to use 120pt fonts for everything.
* EmbeddedApache - This module runs Apache as a module inside Apache!
    You can even run EmbeddedApache from *inside* EmbeddedApache, though
    I don't know why anyone would want to do such a silly thing.


-- 
Edward Glowacki				glowack2@msu.edu
GLLUG Peon  				http://www.gllug.org
Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.
                -- Jules de Gaultier